The Top 20 Stupid Criminals of 2018…We think? LOL

1.  A Burglar Broke Into an Escape Room . . . Then Called 911 When He Couldn’t Get Out.  It happened in Washington state back in July.  A 40-year-old guy named Rye Wardlaw had to call the cops on himself, and got arrested for burglary.

There were plenty of other IRONIC crimes this year . . .

. . . A woman in Michigan stole back her stolen car . . . so the thief stole her rental.

. . . A man with no arms was arrested for STABBING a guy.

. . . A woman in New Hampshire scammed a scammer, and got arrested for it.

. . . Some people in Phoenix stopped a guy from robbing a store, then robbed HIM.

. . . And a guy in Florida was arrested for embezzling . . . after starring in a local theater production of “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying”.

2.  A Guy Stole His Date’s Car . . . Then Used It to Go On Another Date.  It happened in Memphis over the summer.  Just to add to the sting of it, the other woman was the first woman’s god-sister.

3.  Two Guys Who Looked Like Jim and Dwight from “The Office” Were Behind a String of Robberies.  Cops in West Virginia busted them back in January.  The Dwight guy REALLY looked the part.

This one is also “Office” related:

. . . A guy in Florida got caught with drugs in August, and busted out a quality “That’s what she said” joke, which was Michael’s go-to line on “The Office”.  The cop asked about a “long, cylindrical object” in his pants.  It turned out to be a pipe.

4.  A Guy Successfully Seduced His Coworker by Covering Himself in Maple Syrup.  This one happened recently.  She walked in on him while he was naked . . . watching porn . . . and pouring syrup on himself.  And she was INTO it.

Then she found out he recorded them getting it on.  And he got arrested for voyeurism.

A few more NC-17 crimes that happened this year . . .

. . . A woman in Alabama attempted to rob a bank back in June by offering the manager sexual favors.

. . . And a 54-year-old woman was arrested at an Easter event in Ohio after she got drunk and sexually harassed the Easter Bunny.

5.  A Guy in England Posed as the Ghost of His Ex-Girlfriend’s Mom to Win Her Back.  He wrote a letter pretending to be her dead mother’s ghost.  The letter said she should give him another chance.  But she went to the cops, and he got arrested.

Honorable mentions in the CRIMES OF PASSION category . . .

. . . A woman in Oklahoma City got arrested in June for getting it on with a guy in broad daylight in the middle of an intersection.  And it was the SECOND time she’d been arrested for it, with two different men.

. . . In August, a weather girl in West Virginia beat up a TV anchor for flirting with her husband.

. . . And in April, a guy in Florida attacked his boyfriend with a Big Mouth Billy Bass.

6.  A Car Thief Tried to Convince the Cops He Was Matthew McConaughey, Even Though He Looked Nothing Like Him.  He was a few years younger than Matthew, but LOOKED about 10 years older.  And there was no resemblance.

There was also a story back in July about a guy in California who got caught going 99 miles-an-hour in a 65.  And he tried to convince the cop he was looking at the TEMPERATURE on the radar gun, not the speed.

7.  A Mystery Pooper Kept Defecating Outside a High School . . . and It Turned Out to Be Another School’s Superintendent.  He liked running on their track . . . which got things MOVING for him . . . and he just went for it right out in the open.

He pled guilty to defecating in public in October, and lost his job.  But his school had to give him a $100,000 severance package.

8.  Police Caught a Thief Thanks to a Witness’s Hilariously Bad Sketch of Him.  It was a bad cartoon version of his face.  The only real detail was his eyes were kind of close together.  One of the cops saw it, and knew who it was.

9.  A Guy Committed Identity Theft to Upgrade a Restaurant’s Cable Package . . . So He Could Watch a College Basketball Game.  It happened last December, but we didn’t hear about it until June when he got arrested.

He wanted to watch an Arizona Wildcats game while he was on vacation.  So he called the restaurant’s cable company . . . pretended to be an employee . . . and added the PAC-12 Network to their package.

He was facing up to 12 YEARS in jail for it. 

But a judge let him off with a fine.  And he had to cut the restaurant a $2,700 check to pay them back.

10.  A Guy Got a DUI and Claimed His Dog Was Driving, Not Him.  He turned out to be three times the legal limit.

As always, there were plenty of DRUNK DRIVER stories this year . . .

. . . A guy got a DWI after drinking his cat’s mood enhancement medicine.

. . . A drunk driver in California ran back to his burning car to light a cigarette.

. . . A guy in Vero Beach, Florida told a cop he wasn’t drinking and driving . . . he was only drinking at stop signs.

. . . A lawyer known as “The DWI Guy” was busted for drunk driving in New York.

. . . And a few weeks ago, a drunk driver in Nebraska crashed his car while driving like Ace Ventura, with his head out the window.

. . . Careful:  There was also a guy back in April who was driving in nothing but boxers.  And on the front, they said, “Free Breathalyzer Test.  Blow Here.”

11.  A Guy Named “Shelby Mustang GT500 Miller” Got Busted for Driving without a License.  It happened in Arkansas back in February.

Some of our other favorite RIDICULOUS NAMES this year . . .

. . . A woman in Florida named Crystal Methvin got busted for meth.

. . . A guy named Luke Sky Walker violated his probation after stealing 46 road signs.

. . . And a 24-year-old guy in Hawaii named “Super Bowl” recently got arrested for assault.

12.  A Woman Tried to Heat Up Old Pee for a Drug Test in a 7-Eleven Microwave.  Unfortunately, it EXPLODED, and she got arrested for damaging property.

A few of our other favorite DRUG RELATED crimes this year . . .

. . . A woman in New Mexico tried to fool her probation officer by forging a prescription for MEDICINAL meth.

. . . Some idiot asked the cops to test his meth to make sure it was real . . . and it was.

. . . And in October, a guy in Louisiana got caught with drugs . . . and said a GHOST must have planted them.

13.  A Woman Tried to Kill Her Doppelganger with a Poisoned Cheesecake to Steal Her Identity.  She’s currently facing up to 25 years in jail for it.  Last we heard, her lawyer was working on a plea deal.

Other FOOD RELATED crime this year . . .

. . . The winner of a donut-eating contest got arrested for robbing a donut shop.

. . . A guy in Maine got caught after stealing over $1.5 million worth of lobsters he sold on the lobster black market.

. . . And a guy in Minnesota was pulled over driving 99 miles-an-hour . . . and told the cop he was trying to get to Taco Bellbefore it closed.

14.  A White Supremacist Leader Was Arrested After an Affair with His Mother-in-Law.  His father-in-law caught them in the act, and there was a fight.  Even the father-in-law later admitted it was a, quote, “white trash circus.”

15.  A Guy Accidentally Got Released From Jail . . . and His Wife Made Him Go Back.  It happened in Colorado in May.  He got hit with a few fresh charges for it.  But it would have been much worse if he hadn’t turned himself in.

That wasn’t the only FAMILY DRAMA that happened this year . . .

. . . Back in June, a father and his adult son in Missouri beat a guy up after he accused them of cheating at “Pokemon Go”.

. . . A 66-year-old woman in Florida attempted a DRIVE-BY on her son.  Luckily she missed.

. . . And a guy in Oregon reported his family members as terrorists, because they got invited to a wedding and he didn’t.

16.  A Guy’s Upskirt Shoe Camera Exploded and Injured His Foot.  It happened in Wisconsin in June.  He hadn’t used the camera yet.  He was testing it when the battery blew up.  Then he went to the cops and turned himself in for being a perv.

17.  A Man Tried to Hide His Legless Fugitive Girlfriend Inside a Plastic Storage Container.  That one makes the list because it scored high in originality.  We’d really never seen a story like that before.

As an added bonus, the woman also looked a little like B.J. Novak from “The Office” in her mugshot.

18.  Cops Had to Break Up a Couple’s Fight Over Whether to Pop a Pimple.  It was on the husband’s back.  He wanted his wife to pop it.  She wouldn’t.  Things got so heated, someone called the cops.

19.  Two Kids in a Giant Trench Coat Tried to Buy Beer.  One of them sat on the other’s shoulders.  It happened back in April, and it didn’t work.  Two different kids did the same thing at a movie theater near L.A. back in February.

20.  The Couple Who Raised $400,000 for a Homeless Guy Turned Out to Be Horrible People.  They were in the news last year after they claimed a homeless guy in Philadelphia gave them his last $20 when they ran out of gas.

They raised 400 grand for him online. 

But in November, we found out the whole thing was a SCAM.  They were all in on it, and they’re now facing fraud charges.

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